Posted by abwillits on 19 Jan 2011 | Tagged as: Uncategorized
I haven’t blogged in sooo long! I feel like I’m slowly waking up from a dream. In the dream, snowflakes were falling. I was sitting under a huge domed ceiling in Chicago’s theater district, aglow with tiny gold lights, while on a stage in front of me, lithe figures jumped and twirled and colors seemed to explode. Also in the same dream, I saw my little boy turn one, dig his pudgy fingers into a cupcake, examine a musical truck for the first time, laugh, and take his first steps. I held my best friend’s baby, watched Elf with my husband in a tiny hotel room, saw my mother unwrap a sparkling gold locket, and wore dangerously high heels as I sipped shiraz at a New Year’s Eve wedding. The dream was long and happy, but you always have to wake up.
Now it’s January, frigid and gray, and I am unhappily awake. The dream keeps flashing through my mind like a movie montage. Those first few weeks after the holidays always feel to me like a mourning period, or like someone has flipped on the lights and you see all the broken, dingy things sitting there right where you left them. Of course, to counter all this, is the fact that it is a New Year, and that brings with it a certain degree of anticipation. There are other celebrations waiting on the church calendar. There are toddler milestones that have yet to be accomplished. There are cherry blossoms right around the corner, and recipes and wines and shoes that I haven’t tried yet. There are a million times that my husband will make me laugh. So as much as I loved my holiday dream, I have a lot to look forward to.
I hope you are starting your New Year off with hope and a little bit of wonder. The older I get, the more I struggle to believe I can change, or that I can change the things around me. But I hold onto that piece of innocence and naivety and faith that maybe I will be better and things will be better and I will learn something that makes me open my eyes wider and my heart bigger. Maybe I will learn my biggest life lesson yet.
I hope you find this year to be unforgettable.